I will update this post regularly as I am often faced daily with LOL moments.

  • Chicken lady – Funniest experience to date has to be an elderly lady at Arganil market. They have a stall that sells live chickens and this lady whips a chicken out of her handbag and is holding it by the scruff of its neck and shouting at the stall holder. I really wish I could have understood their conversation. By her actions and level of angriness I can only assume she had previously purchased the chicken and was bringing it back for an exchange or refund as not satisfied. Maybe it was a rubbish layer. Anyway I was thinking to myself how far did she travel with a chicken in her very nice handbag? Is this the Portuguese equivalent to returning a size 10 pair of skinny jeans to Topshop because you can’t fit one leg in them but at the time you were so prepared to slim down to fit in them for your holiday but then couldn’t resist office cake Friday.
  • Breakdown safety – You have to carry a high vis jacket, red triangle and spare bulbs in your car at all times. We often see drivers who have broken down at the side of roads and every time they have their red triangle out and their high vis jackets on. This is great but they still drive like maniacs and it makes me very puzzled as they can follow these safety rules yet they can’t stick to the speed limits.
  • Road names in Portugal are epic – Driving anywhere with a sat nav is entertaining and still makes me laugh e.g. Avenida José Bonifácio de Andrade e Silva. This is the road leading up to the Forum shops in Coimbra and I love it as it sounds like ‘Bonita fartio’ on the sat nav and Bonita in one of my daughters names (she has 6!) always makes me laugh. 
  • Parcel deliveries – They often beep for us to come down and collect a parcel as they can’t be bothered to walk up our steps – there are a lot. Some couriers have phoned my husband and asked him to meet them in Côja (a 10 minute drive away) or at a nearby Cafe. We don’t mind but we find it funny that a courier who had previously met my husband at a local cafe to collect a parcel called him recently and asked if he knew a lady in Vinhó and gave us the customers full name. It was clearly a non Portuguese name and this courier thought we would know them for some reason as she hadn’t left a telephone number and he could not locate her address. Unfortunately we couldn’t help. We are British but we don’t know every Brit in Portugal.
  • Health and safety – out the window – Before we purchased our car we bought a gas bottle for hot water at a local petrol station and they said they could deliver immediately. We explained we had to walk home so it might take 20 minutes. We started walking and 5 minutes later the delivery driver and his colleague beeped at us and gestured they would give us a lift home. This van had 3 seats in the front and a shit load of gas tanks in the back. Adrian got in first, it’s one of those high vans so you have to hoist yourself up. Anyway I am trying to also get into the van but there’s not another seat. There are 4 of us crammed into this van and I can’t shut the door because my fat ass is hanging out of it and there’s no seatbelt for me. Driver speeds off in true Portuguese tradition and I eventually slam the door shut but it’s not shut properly.  I am hanging onto that door half sat on Adrian who is also half sat on the female next to him and I’m desperately trying to pray the door doesn’t open and I die. That 10 minute drive lasted forever but we did have a laugh about it afterwards.
  • Everyone we met during our first month here was called Carlos!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also funnily enough, this happens to be my ex-husbands name. 
  • The sardines shop – In Porto there is a shop that sells tinned sardines with the year you were born on the tin. I don’t like sardines and I don’t get it. We have had more than one discussion on the WHY. Hubby said he is going to buy me a tin on my birthday every year. I responded that I will kill him and bury him in the garden and no one will ever find him! (joke).
  • The British aisle in supermarkets: Overpriced items that the Portuguese know the brits love and can’t do without. O.K I get the tea bags, baked beans and gravy. I don’t get the birds custard powder and I’m certainly not paying over 5 euros for the tinniest jar of marmite. Don’t get me started on the Fray Bentos tinned pies!
  • Intermarché supermarket in Arganil has a launderette in the car park. Wash your pants as you shop, why not?
  • Translating documents – Often places have a notice put up in Portuguese and I use my phone to translate to English. Sometimes it doesn’t translate properly and I find it hilarious. Presently the Arganil town hall is closed for 10 months due to refurbishment so you have to go to the Citizen Space next to the Finance Office. Their notice translates that the roof is leaking and it’s raining indoors! Also a garden construction company listed Low maintenance gardens, garden of varied styles, grass on carpet, poop or seed! Hilarious.
  • Entering/leaving village signage – When you enter a village you will see a sign with the name of the village. When you pass through that village instead of just seeing a sign for the next village you will also have the same first sign with a red cross through it letting you know you are leaving that village. I find this strange. Sometimes in the UK you would see a sign saying thank you for driving safely through our village but never an entering and leaving sign.
  • Plunge pools – I found them hilarious before I came here. A silly little pool that you can’t swim in because it’s not big enough to swing a cat – not advisable by the way! After spending more than 1 boiling hot day in March in the garden I have changed my mind. I get it now as you get so bloody hot a quick plunge then back to gardening work seems like a plan – they still make me laugh though.
  • It’s illegal to urinate in the ocean (pee in the sea) in Portugal. I need to remind hubby of this before we go surfing in Nazaré as it’s quite a lengthy process getting out of a wet suit. I can easily pull a muscle trying to get my jeans off so a wet suit is gonna take some effort on my part and most likely be a 2 person job!
  • The locals: 3 old ladies in my village – unless it is raining you will see then sat on this particular bench chatting, eating or knitting. Just 3 friends chilling on a bench. When it’s really hot they have huge straw hats on. They always bring a smile to my face. They seem to find it funny when we jog past them too.
  • Doorbell, what doorbell! No one uses the doorbell here, well we don’t actually have a doorbell but we do have a front door with a knocker which is technically on the side of the house. Instead people just shout from outside.
  • 2020 or 1990? Portugal in some aspects is stuck 30 years behind other countries yet we have super fast fibre optic internet in a rural village.
  • The Capela dos Ossos (Chapel of Bones) is one of the best known monuments in Évora, Portugal. The Chapel gets its name because the interior walls are covered and decorated with human skulls.
  • There is a town named ‘Fail’ in Viseu, Portugal. Lucky for us we live in ‘Vinhó’ which translates to ‘Wine’ in English. There is also a small town named ‘Cansado’ which I often drive past, this translates to tired!
  • Boa Tarde or just a simple turd! – when we first moved here I was working in the garden and many passers by shouted ‘Turd’ at me. This confused me as I thought gosh maybe they don’t like us Brits, then I realised that they were saying ‘Tarde’ a shortened version of ‘Boa Tarde’ (good afternoon) ha ha – no turds thank goodness. We have got to know the locals now and there is a super friendly lady with an over zealous wave who passes by everyday, I love this lady already.
  • A Portuguese brought the habit of drinking tea to England. Catharine of Braganca, a Portuguese princess, and Queen of England, introduced the habit of drinking tea in England. Though she did not introduce Tea, she made it a fashionable and widely drunk beverage. She was also responsible for the English using forks at dinnertime. It’s a damn shame she didn’t tell the Portuguese how to actually make a decent cup of tea! Ha Ha.
  • Axe man (run for your life) – you will often see men and ladies walking down the country lane pushing a wheelbarrow or carrying a bucket. On our first jog we encountered a man with the hugest axe you have ever seen. Just walking with a huge axe on his shoulder. Now I’ve watched all the films on netflix and a man with an axe is never a good ending. I was a little worried that if I jogged past him too closely that I might startle him so I gave him a wide birth.
  • Getting heckled by a Portuguese man on one of my jogs. He found it very funny to shout ‘run faster’ in Portuguese, accompanied with rapid running man arm movements, I wouldn’t mind but the only 6 pack he has is in his fridge.
  • Scary ass dolls head – scroll down for photo if your feeling brave.
  • They pump your gas – the staff pump your gas (petrol) for your car at the local petrol station – we don’t get this service in the UK and it makes me feel like royalty. Due to current situation they are no longer pumping gas so you have to do it yourself.
  • Washing – The Portuguese know how to dry clothes – they have many imaginative ways of drying their clothes on a sunny day – I have seen weird lines running between flats which always makes me laugh but I suppose they don’t use tumble dryers here as such nice weather they wash then hang out where ever.
  • Pharmacies and cafes – There are so many pharmacies everywhere. You will never be short of a pharmacy or cafe.
  • Merry Christmas, have a banana – Braga apparently has a very unique Christmas tradition where every year, on December 24th, people from all over the city come together to eat bananas and drink Muscatel at Casa das Bananas on Rua do Souto. Count me in, I’m partial to the odd banana.
  • The river of oranges – you may have heard my rant about the orange tree that sits between our house and our neighbours house. The oranges hang over the wall and fall daily onto the road below then cars run over them making a huge mess. What I have now discovered is that when it rains, it washes the oranges into the drain that runs the length of the road. It forms a little river in the drain channel and the oranges are swept along and travel down the road and end in a neat pile by our car. Fun to watch too! If your bored there is a video on Casa Valhal Instagram.
  • Portuguese phrases. My favourite is: We are not “clumsy” we just “look like a silly/dizzy cockroach” (“Barata tonta”). Perfect phrase for accident prone us!
  • Size matters – Lovely short Portuguese lady in supermarket asked my hubby a question in Portuguese. We explained we speak little Portuguese and she then asked in English “Can I borrow your height?” We laughed hard as hubby is 5ft 7 and I’m 5ft 4 so hubby has never ever been asked to reach for something off the top shelf before. He was delighted, the lady was 4ft nothing and her hubby was in a wheelchair, bless her, she made my hubby’s day, he now thinks he is a giant and can conquer the world!
  • Peas on a pizza – WTF, I only just got used to the egg on a pizza.
  • I order a coke with no sugar and get 2 beers instead.
  • Staples – The Portuguese love to staple receipts together. Whether your in a DIY store or a supermarket the staff will take time to staple the two receipts together. Just think how many staples they must get through!
  • Millie – Remax’s mascot who accompanied our 1st house viewing and trip to the Notary, bless her. Check out her tiny Remax coat in the photo below.
  • Tabards, buckets and cabbages – all the ladies in my village wear a tabard and carry a bucket with a cabbage in it! Teanna said she is going to buy me a tabard for Christmas but bling it up, a bit like ‘Pimp my ride’. She is going to sew titty tassels on my tabard!
  • Water – If you buy water at a cafe/restaurant, ‘Fresh’ is bottled water from the fridge and ‘Natural’ is tap water. Took me ages to work this out (ha ha).
  • Tiles – I love the blue and white tiles but some houses are covered in weird tiles on the external walls.
  • Dogs – whilst driving or pottering in the garden you will see a dog on it’s own go past. At first I thought gosh there are tons of stray dogs but most have collars and look well kept. I really think they belong to someone and just take themselves off for a walk. I worry about them being hit by a car and we have already had several near misses. When I see one I can’t help but sing ‘Maybe Tomorrow’ – The Littlest Hobo TV show theme tune to myself:

There’s a voice that keeps on calling me

Down the road, that’s where I’ll always be.

Every stop I make, I make a new friend,

Can’t stay for long, just turn around I’m gone again

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down,

Until tomorrow, I’ll just keep moving on.

Down this road that never seems to end,

Where new adventure lies just around the bend.

So if you want to join me for a while,

Just grab your hat, come travel light, that’s hobo style.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll want to settle down,

Until tomorrow, the whole world is my home.

So if you want to join me for a while,

Just grab your hat, come travel light, that’s hobo style

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down,

Until tomorrow, the whole world is my home.

There’s a world that’s waiting to unfold,

A brand new tale no-one has ever told.

We’ve journeyed far but you know it won’t be long;

We’re almost there, we’ve paid our fare with a hobo song.

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll find what I call home,

Until tomorrow, you know I’m free to roam.

So if you want to join me for a while,

Just grab your hat, we’ll travel light, that’s hobo style.

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down,

Until tomorrow, I’ll just keep moving on.

Until tomorrow, the whole world is my home.

I am having this song at my funeral along with Michael Jackson’s ‘Man in the mirror’ and ‘Make me a channel of your peace’. Family – be prepared to sing and wear fancy dress! It’s all in my will.

Just one little doggie taking themselves for a solo walkies in the middle of the road.

British aisle

Launderette in a supermarket car park

Leaving sign

Millie the Remax mascot

The silent bench

I can’t wait for my lovely trio of ladies to re-visit their bench as watching them have a natter whilst knitting, shelling peas and snacking on Portuguese delights brings a smile to my face every single time.

Crazy ass dolls head No1

I saw this on my jog today. Not gonna lie it freaked the shit out of me. From a distance I thought it was a football, then I got closer and thought it was a severed head, I really need to get my eyes checked out. What is it about dolls that freak me out so much? We once viewed a house in Radstock, U.K and everything in the house was purple carpet, furniture, curtains etc. If that wasn’t off putting enough the sellers a middle aged white couple had lots of scary black dolls positioned all around the house, I have no clue what they were thinking or the story behind it but it wasn’t a strong selling tactic and needless to say we didn’t put an offer in! If this dolls head doesn’t creep you out then your braver than me!

Foxy Asso

Some of the product names make me laugh. This kitchen roll is called “Foxy Asso” I think it would make a better name for toilet roll as my ass is foxy (ha ha).

The handmade sign

There is currently a road diversion near us so people have to drive past our house to get to Piódão. Once they get past our house there is no further sign and everyone decides to take the left turn instead of right. The people who live to the left must be getting fed up of tourists doing U turns in Vinhó so someone has made a hand written sign – Genius! This made me laugh a lot.

You can go right or left and everyone goes left
This sign is hilarious
Made me laugh so much

Eggy crisps which smell like farts

I send hubby into the shop to buy items for a picnic and he returned with these ham and egg crisps. He opened them in the car and OMG it was like someone had released the stinkiest fart ever! It was vile, we all blamed each other then realised it was the crisps. Teanna thought it was hilarious. They tasted rank and I don’t know who came up with the idea of egg crisps but it’s wrong. The smell lingered for a further 90 minutes to the point where I was hanging out of the window like a dog trying to breathe in some fresh air.

Misleading toilet signs

Toilet signs here are weird as hell! These are both signs for female toilets and I have walked into the male toilets (by accident – honestly) on multiple occasions. It’s very stressful trying to work out which is the male and female toilets. Don’t get me started on the lack of toilet seat, paper, lock and sometimes light. I’m fed up of squatting and I’m not sure how much more my thighs can take (ha ha).

Corn on the cob tattoo

Now I quite like tattoo’s, I have a couple and I was stood behind this bloke in a queue and I really wanted to ask him why a corn on the cob tattoo? Maybe he has fond memories of picking corn in the fields with his parents as a child or maybe he just likes corn, I have no clue but it’s weird as hell!

Marvellous mannequin

My daughter spotted this lady looking very thoughtful stood on her balcony gazing out at the world. Then we got closer and realised it’s a mannequin, WTF! I have no words for this. I have an Idris Elba mannequin on order for my balcony (ha ha).

Traffic lights

I found this quirky little house whilst on a schist hiking trail. What the hell is that traffic light for? (ha ha).

It’s so hot here in Summer that even the plants get their own personal sunshade

The crazy post

This post made me laugh, not only is it bent and looks like it’s going to fall, check out all these wires, health and safety out the window!

Sardines galore

The famous sardine shop sells tins of sardines with your date of birth on the tin, I have no idea why. I don’t get it and we have had multiple conversations about it. I still don’t get it!

Green houses

This house is for sale, just look at all the green tiles! Not for me (ha ha).

Health and safety

This ladder against the orange tree made me laugh. It’s an accident waiting to happen! I think my homemade orange picker is a better option.

This proves my point that prickly pears grow anywhere!

Cemeteries

Traffic jam in my village

Not quite an Internet launderette cafe!

We stumbled across this weird and wonderful little wash room whilst on one of our hiking schist trails. The villagers still use it to wash clothes the old fashioned way and I suppose it’s the equivalent to a U.K launderette.

Ruins

We also stumbled across these ruins whilst on the same hiking trail. The old ruins intrigue me so much as they are everywhere and I often wonder what the story is behind each and every one and how they got in such disrepair. A lot of the time Portuguese people may pass away and live in a very rural area and the house then gets passed down to various family members. I can only assume that none of them want the challenge or have the money to fix the houses and over years they start falling down. The younger generations also don’t wish to live in small villages away from the cities as jobs are limited and they may need to stay local to cities for employment. Who knows their true story but I find them fascinating.

Bees and honey

On part of the same hike we walked through an area which had tons of bees and quite a few liked my hair. Then I spotted a row of Portuguese bee hives. I bet the honey from these hives is spectacular, I love honey, there are a few honey festivals in Central Portugal and I would love to attend in the near future when festivals are back on.

The crazy tall house

We stumbled across this crazy ass house on a schist hiking trail. When you live in a terraced house and you can’t build sideways, build upwards to the sky!!!!!! Hilarious.

The makeshift hot tub

Agriloja have this huge garden tub for sale! It was scorching today so I nearly bought it for the garden, I was thinking I could sit in it and hubby could hose me down with my new garden hose that shrinks, expands and looks like a snake, I could have my very own plunge pool (ha ha).

Green bear

A huge green bear in Parque Verde, Coimbra, just wonderful!

It’s a fishy affair

The crazy Sardine shop which I have already mentioned some time ago. We visited the shop in Porto but have now found the same shop in Coimbra. This time I purchased a very overpriced tin of fish for my cousin back home in Bristol.

Somewhere over the rainbow

A beautiful Rainbow water display in a Coimbra park. Who doesn’t like a rainbow!!!!!

Yarn bombing

Yarn bombing in the street of Coimbra, love it!

Disney themed displays

Someone has a display of Snow White and the 7 dwarfs in their front garden (ha ha).

Sculpture art

Some very strange but wonderful sculptures in a local garden.

Terrible toilet

On one of my day trips I really needed the loo whilst we were driving. I have OCD and huge anxiety about using public toilets and I have used some horrendous ones in petrol stations so I was overjoyed to see a sign for a beauty spot and park with picnic area and WC. It looked so promising but I was faced with this! I am used to not having a seat here in Portugal and no toilet paper so I always carry tissues but I’ve not ever encountered a squatty potty floor toilet yet. The smell was so bad but I had to pee. It was horrendous, so bad that I had to take a photo to show hubby who was sat in the car. The worst part was I sprayed pee pee on my bloody leg! (ha ha).

Sugar idiom

I found it rather strange and funny that this little sachet of sugar that came with my coffee has a Portuguese idiom on the back, not relating to coffee at all. My Portuguese is still limited but I think it translates to: When the mouse leaves the house the cats walk! WEIRD.

Pussy wagon

We were SUP boarding at the Mondego river and packing up our stuff when this truck drove in to the picnic area. It has a 2 seater sofa with 2 ladies sat in the back! I have never laughed so much in my whole life, only in Portugal! I had to be discreet in taking the photo as I got caught last time taking a photo of the Donald Trump look a like, his lady friend was not impressed. I wonder if it is his chat up line. “Hey ladies, fancy a ride in my open top vehicle? Hop in the back and feel the wind in your hair” (ha ha).

Scary ass dolls head No2

Another day another doll head! I was near the end of my evening run and I thought I saw a dead animal in the middle of the road so I obviously had to investigate as I often find dead cats and dogs which traumatises me. Turned out to be another horror movie scary ass dolls head! No body just a dirty head! This is the second time I’ve found a dolls head in my village and it scared the shit out of me (ha ha). I really need to get my eyes checked but in my defence it was getting dark.I think it looks like my twin sister separated at birth as we have the same hair and I’m a dirty girl (ha ha). I sent the photos to my son (Josh) who replied “You’re the person in the horror movie who died first because they take a selfie with the cursed object”. I replied “The pretty girls always die first” (ha ha).

Forest Finds – You are never alone in the forest!

Don’t ask any questions, I have no answers (ha ha).

When one Door Closes, another Opens

I’m not sure what to say about this one (ha ha). Hubby visited Côja and stumbled across this sight. I literally haven’t got a clue, I have no words!

Down the Rabbit Hole

On a recent trip to Belmonte we stumbled upon an antique store and we ventured inside. It was like walking into a children’s story book like Alice in Wonderland or The Chronicles of Narnia. I found 2 fabulous masks for next years carnival / Mardi Gras and a sexy goddess costume (ha ha).

The most bizarre but beautiful thing we found was a real live white rabbit! Yes the store had a pet rabbit instead of a guard dog. It was weird as hell but amazing and made my day.

Another Day, Another Doll

We found another doll on a short 5km walk in our village of Vinhó. This totals 3 now but this one is not as scary ass as the last 2 thank god! What I find super strange is the fact that I lived mostly in Bristol, U.K for over 45 years and I’ve never found a doll or a dolls head in the street. I relocate to Central Portugal and a tiny village with hardly any children and I find 3! We also found a tiny dolls arm buried in our garden which freaked me out senseless. I kept throwing it away and hubby would retrieve it and brush my arm with it and startle me frantic. Then he made a grave for it in the garden and left it sticking up ot of the soil with a cross made from lolly sticks, I’m going to kills him one day and bury him DEEP so no one finds him for an eternity (ha ha).

Fashion Fun

A lot of the local general stores that are located near us sell multiple household items. They are known as “Chinese Shops”. They also have really bad fashion/clothing ranges which often resembles something from the the 1980’s. We are very lucky to have a large shopping mall in Coimbra with lots of high street stores e.g. Zara, H & M, Pull & Bear, Mango, Primark etc. Whenever we visit these stores we always have a laugh and pick a whole outfit out for each other to wear. We try to choose the most hideous outfit in the whole store which makes us laugh a lot. Here are todays selections. Hubby kindly selected the red and black sequin number on the right of the first photo and teamed it up with the pink hat which actually has flip down sunglasses (ha ha). I often find the male clothing in these stores not as ghastly as the ladies which is not fair. I selected the orange shorts for hubby, a hat which would dramatically colour clash, a lion T.Shirt (roar) and because it wasn’t too horrendous I had to choose the denim ladies playsuit to go on top of the shorts. I have let him wear the shorts underneath because he is quite a private man and the denim ensemble looks quite risky business and he wouldn’t want to scare any small children (ha ha). I teamed the whole look up with some pink sunglasses. We even chose a little outfit for bunny boy Milo, a little rain jacket just in case this bloody heatwave ever ends. I’m not sure it will fit him as it’s for a dog and I’m not too sure that dogs and bunnies have the same private bits in the similar places (ha ha). He may find that he can’t pee because the pee hole is in the wrong place (ha ha).

Lidl Middle Aisle

Is it just me or does every other wife send their hubby to Lidl for Bananas and milk and they come back with a bike or garden accessory and a paddle board? I don’t need a bloody leaf blower, leaves are meant to fall on the ground, it’s called NATURE and they make for great mulch. Today hubby visited for bananas and nail polish remover and very nearly came back with a swimming pool! He sent me these photos and asked how many bananas he should buy (ha ha). Damn you Lidl middle aisles. In his defence it has been 30-40c for several weeks and we are slowly melting away one drop of sweat at a time (ha ha).

Paying to Pee Pee in Porto

I had to pay 20 cents at the park to pee! They weren’t even nice toilets! I’ve never paid to pee pee in Portugal before and the man gave me a ticket! I tried to squeeze a poop out to get my monies worth but it wasn’t happening so I washed my hands twice instead with the hand soap (ha ha). Minigolf at Jardim do Passeio Alegre, Foz do Douro was so much FUN! There was a tournament on when we visited and there was a huge team of people playing a very serious game. I thought mini gold was just for 5 year olds but these folk were full on profesionals with matching team outfits which made me laugh. There was even a podium and a trophy. I lost the game today so no trophy for me but guess what? I totally won the lottery of life!

Maybe hubby and I should join the team!

Jeepers Creepers – Scary Ass Scarecrow

I spotted this Scarecrow from a distance and I literally thought it was a Firefighter! Then I got closer and it freaked the shit out of me (ha ha). I think it was the gas mask that sent me over the edge! There were 3 Scarecrows on this land but I couldn’t get a photo of the other 2 as I had to walk quite a distance onto someone’s private land to get photos. I risked it for a biscuit for the first one but the other 2 were further down the hill closer to the house and I didn’t want to get shouted at by an angry Portuguese farmer or worse chased and bit by a fierce dog. Anyone who is sick enough to design a Scarecrow like this is for sure a mass murderer. To be honest the other 2 Scarecrows creeped me out more as they were dressed as ladies with bright pink hats suitable for a day at the Ascot races. Maybe I should return and still a hat for Teanna’s University Graduation next year (ha ha).

Monastery Madness

On a recent day trip to Lorvao Monastery we found an interesting statue. Hubby spotted it from a distance with his eagle eye and it made us laugh a lot which was unfortunate because we were on a guided tour with a group of Portuguese strangers. Once I get the giggles, I just can’t stop. The expressions on their faces! (ha ha). Apparently Saint Blaise, a Bishop and Catholic Saint removed a thorne from the boys mouth. Call me crazy but I don’t see a thorn, I see a frog!

Penis Pastries

There was a fabulous Convent Sweet and Cake Convention at the Monastery when we visited and I just had to buy a gigantic Penis Pastry! Just in case you thought the nuns are saucy mares there is a story behind the shape. Read my other blog post “Portuguese cakes and all things sweet” for full details. I had way too much fun eating this cake at a local river beach. I’m not sure how I fitted it all in my mouth, what can I say, I must be used to gigantic penises or maybe I just have a huge cake hole for a mouth (ha ha). The funniest part was the custard filling in the end of the penis which squirted out everywhere when I bit into it, very realistic indeed! (ha ha).

Crazy Crochet/Yarn Bombing

Creative craziness in a Monastery garden, how amazing!

The Hilarious Christmas Tie Decoration

This Christmas tie display made me laugh. I think some poor ladies hubby is trying to subtly tell her he doesn’t want any more ridiculous comedy ties as a Christmas gift this year. Nothing screams “No more ties Brenda” than a huge door step Christmas festive tie decoration, I LOVE it (ha ha).

Creepy Christmas

This Christmas display gives me the Jeepers Creepers! It’s worthy of a Blair Witch horror movie sequel (ha ha).

My Kind of Graffiti

I stumbled across some English written Graffiti in a park. I promise it wasn’t me but they definitely have my warped sense of humour (ha ha).

Wine Verses Snickers & Vinhó in Vinhó

Welcome to Portugal. A land where a bottle of Wine costs less than a Snickers bar! Maybe I need to become an alcoholic rather than a chocoholic (ha ha). The word for Wine here is Vinhó and I just so happen to live in a rural village in Central Portugal named Vinhó which I think is awesome.

I know nothing about wine and usually make my choice by how cute the label looks which is probably not the best decision in the world (ha ha). I saw this bottle of red wine for sale at €1.39. A Crystal-clear, crimson-coloured wine, with a nose full of ripe fruit, mellow and medium-bodied on the palate. This frugal lady just had to do a comparison taste test. I’ve purchased lots of awesome wine for under €3 a bottle so I was intrigued when I saw this bargain of the century. It was actually pretty good and I’m in total shock as I just assumed it would disintegrate my internal organs, dissolve the lining of my stomach and set off my IBS to the point where I am on my knees praying like a nun and begging for mercy (ha ha).

I LOVE living in Portugal. I also LOVE drinking wine in Portugal as well as eating Portuguese cake, I’m also partial to a double Snickers bar.

Heitor the Distinguished English Gentleman

This graffiti made me laugh out loud on todays jog. No disrespect but I’ve always thought poor Heitor looks like one of the mug shots from Crimewatch (ha ha). Someone has decided to graffiti the sign! I can honestly say hand on heart it wasn’t me but it made my day (ha ha). He is now sporting a 19th Century black sharpie moustache and monocle. He just needs a top hat to transform from Portuguese geezer to a proper English gentleman. I think he looks more distinguished and it may help him bag a sale (ha ha).

Fit & Fat

I stumbled across this store in Aveiro! I’m aiming for “Nifty at 50” but I’m more “Fit & Fat” (ha ha).

Sensational Storks

Sensational storks are everywhere in Aveiro. I am gobsmacked that the storks make huge nests on top of telegraph poles alongside the main roads. Hubby was delighted that I made him do a U turn so I could take a closer peek at this gorgeous momma stork and her baby.

Flipping Heck

Flipping Heck! When Flip Flop’s melt.

To all my Aussie friends I’m talking Thongs for all my British friends I’m talking Flip Flops. My ass is hot but not hot enough to melt the string of my underwear thong (ha ha).

This is too funny not to share. I have €1 Primark inside flip flops and outside flip flops. My outdoor ones live by our back door in the shade but they got wet when hubby was hosing my grubby gardening ass down so I left them on our balcony then forgot about them. I just tried them on and they are 2 sizes smaller and all curvy! It confused me. They literally shrunk in the sun. I wish my butt would shrink in the sun, get 2 sizes smaller and all curvy. I just get bigger from all the ice cream (ha ha). I love these flip flops as although the soles wear out quickly I find them really comfy and I did invest in Havaiana’s a few years ago but the expensive ones cut between my toes. I can walk around 3 km or more in these cheap ones.

For day trips I always wear white trainers but it’s getting a little hot and sweaty so I decided to buy a pair of sandals for day trips. My daughter lived in her Teva’s last summer and highly recommends them and after a little research I decided to bite the bullet and invest hubby’s hard earned money. They cost a whopping €65 but I got a 30% discount so €45.50. To be brutally honest I don’t get the hype and I’m yet to try them outside so I’m sat on the fence. My frugal inner goddess keeps thinking that I could have bought 45 1/2 pairs of Primark flip flops for the price of 1 pair of Teva’s which most likely would have lasted me until my dying days (ha ha).

Nightmare Bunny Mask & Mannequins

Just a couple of random finds from a local Secondhand Store. The bunny mask is enough to give me nightmares for an eternity (ha ha). Hubby took quite a fancy to this ladies leg!

Thieves & Fake Kinder Eggs

Gosh, times must be hard as Lidl have resulted in putting security alarms on their fake Kinder eggs! (ha ha).